your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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