last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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