Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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