You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
