You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
