i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
