I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
