In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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