I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
