I accidentally had phone sex last night
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
