My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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