soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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