So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
