He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
