Screwed.edu
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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