how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
