he wants to bone in the snuggie
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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