so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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