I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
