Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
