Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
