UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
