No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
