I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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