I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There was a lot of him and a little penis
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize