I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Watching her eat just hurts me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
