Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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