my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
