if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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