i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Four minutes until I can fart!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
