She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
