I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
