the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize