I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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