I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
