A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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