I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
