yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
