yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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