that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
