all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
