Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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