When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
