Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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