The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
