At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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