Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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