somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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