so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
