I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
