you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So vagazzling was a success
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
