1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
