Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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