I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
