Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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