I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize