Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
