They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize