He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
