do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize