Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
