i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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