so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
