I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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