Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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