There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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