Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She told me I should be a condom model.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize