I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize