I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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