dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
