i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
