i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
