He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
