you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
