turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize