saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
