I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
