i just google imaged poop.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize