C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
