Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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