Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
being pregnant is like rehab
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
