and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
