i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
