i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
