Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
