Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
