I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
