I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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