Your face is a jimmy john
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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