You just made me feel so damn special
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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