So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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